SPACESPACESPA October 06, 2003 - 1240 a.m.

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Kicking Ass

Sometimes I think I'm a shit-magnet. Yup, that's right. I've seen two, count 'em, two exposed penises on public transportation in the span of three weeks.

You've already read about the first one, the second one was actually at rush-hour! And luckily this time it wasn't directed at me. However, the creep was jacking off three inches from a sleeping woman's ear. AND NO ONE ELSE SAW HIM!!! I turned so I was facing him, put my hands out in front of me and gave him a sharp what-the-fuck-do-you-think-you're-doing look. He immediately covered himself with a newspaper and then the train stopped and he got off. I stared in disbelief and then asked the people around me if they had seen it. Nope.

This last time wasn't scary because unlike the first time, it was during the day, the train was full, and it wasn't directed at me. But it was disgusting and infuriating just the same.

So, I've figured out the M.O. of these kind of scumbags. They only do it right before the train gets to the stop so as soon as someone takes notice, they can hop off and run. Let them run, that's better than them actually assaulting someone.

And if they did, that's where my self-defense training would come in! Yes, that's right, I am now three weeks into an IMPACT Personal Safety Course. I can't say enough about this class. It is the best gift you can give yourself or a woman you love. That link also will have info on other schools in the US that teach the IMPACT method. There's even one in Columbus, Ohio and Boston too... ahem... yes, I'm talking to you, Ms. L. and Ms. Dina! This is the ultimate form of empowerment.

Now I know what to do next time I see some perv exposing himself in public: make a scene, "YOU IN THE BLUE SHIRT, CALL 911 THIS MAN IS EXPOSING HIMSELF TO ME. I DON'T KNOW HIM AND HE REFUSES TO LEAVE ME ALONE." This course teaches you more than how to fight, it teaches you how to avoid a fight through verbal techniques.

Most important of all are the "reversals", or what some people might refer to as rape scenarios. They call them reversals because we're reversing the power in that situation. The scenario starts with the student in a helpless, often humiliating position, and ends with the mock-rapist being over-powered and taking a beating. As disturbing as this topic is, you come out of the class with a new choice: to counter-attack and not get raped.

The team of instructors are supportive every step of the way and their attitude is contageous. Classmates can't help but support, comfort, and cheer each other on.

The mock-assailants are dressed in special padded suits with big, bulbous heads reminiscent of teletubbies. This get-up allows students to hit with full force without worrying about the instructor's safety.

But everything I'm saying just doesn't do the course justice. What you have to do is see it for yourself. Contact a school that teaches IMPACT and ask when they're having their graduation. This is an opportunity for you to see what students learn in 20 hours of training. I guarantee that you'll be impressed and inspired enough to sign yourself up. And even if you don't find it to be the life-changing experience that I've found it to be, at least it'll be well worth the money to finally live out that fantasy of kicking the shit out of a Teletubby!

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