Yesterday it took every ouce of my self-control to keep from stabbing one of my students in the head with my pencil.

Now, think back to middle school, remember that one teacher, drained of all passion for teaching, clearly hated children, wore a perennially pissed off expression, and lacked any zest for life that she may have had back in the day? Well, imagine me teaching that teacher. Even worse, teaching that teacher every Friday evening. What a way to end the week!

For the most part, my students pretty much rule, but in my Friday evening Advanced A class, this one student in particular evokes in me the desire to draw blood.

The main problem, other than the fact that she's a total BITCH, is that her mind is completely inflexible. She'll go on and on about how she's old and set in her ways, so her mind just doesn't work that way. In other words, she wants me to change the whole lesson plan to suit her. Never mind the other students in class who don't seem to have a problem with the material or the activities I use. Everything should be changed for her benefit.

What she wants is old-school methodology, which according to me is actually devoid of methodology. She wants me to stand there, reading information from the book, and prompting them to regurgitate it word for word. She doesn't want to have to work things out on her own or do anything that might prepare her for having to speak the language in real life situations, which is the aim of the course.

The curriculum is composed of grammar, reading comprehension, vocab, writing, listening, and conversation. She invariably kvetches about each aspect of this:

• I don't like English grammar. It doesn't make sense to me! French is much easier for me because it's structured like Italian.
• I don't like reading in class because I can't focus on the meaning with all these other people here.
• I don't like reading at home because I can't ask you questions about the meaning of certain words.
• I don't understand why you have phrasal verbs! We don't have them in Italian! They're completely illogical!
• How does anyone ever manage to pronounce these words?
• I don't like writing, because I can't convey the idea the way I would in Italian.
• We don't talk enough in class.
• We talk too much in class!

So, of course you know what I want to say to her: THEN DON'T STUDY A FOREIGN LANGUAGE!!!

I could expect this attitude from people who are embarking on a foreign language for the first time, but from a person who's already studied French and who has now been studying English for four years? That's ridiculous.

I've been teaching this woman for two, count them, two years now, and I pretty much know how to handle her. I guess it's akin to dealing with a child having a temper-tantrum. However, there are the odd moments when I just don't know what the fuck to do with her, so I ball my hands up into fists under the table, smile, and then continue my lesson as if I hadn't caught that last bit of venom she'd just spit. Thank my lucky stars, I only have to teach her for five more weeks, and then in September, she's someone else's problem!

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